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Athraíonn do shaol go brách nuair a thagann leanbh leat ar an saol. Foinse aoibhnis iad leanaí agus tugann siad deiseanna do thuismitheoirí nach mbíonn coinne leo foghlaim fúthu féin agus faoi cad iad na nithe is tábhachtaí sa saol. Nuair a dhéantar tuismitheoir dínn, bíonn grá níos doimhne ionainn agus bíonn cumas níos fearr againn cion a bheith againn ar dhuine éigin eile ar bhealach nach raibh mórán dúinn in ann a shamhlú roimhe seo. Tugann leanaí anrud buanna dúinn. Tá sé seo ina chuid den áthas agus den iontas a bhaineann leis an tuistiú. Ní hionann gach leanbh – tá pearsantacht, cáilíochtaí, cineálacha cumais, saintréithe agus dúshláin dá c(h)uid féin aige nó aici . Más ag léamh na treorach faisnéise atá tú, is dócha go bhfuair tú amach ar na mallaibh go bhfuil do leanbh faoi mhíchumas. B’fhéidir go mbraitheann tú go bhfuil mórán dúshlán amach romhat nach bhfuil tú ar an eolas fúthu fós, ach b’fhéidir go dtabharfaidh an t-eolas nach bhfuil tú i d’aonar faoiseamh éigin duit. Bhí, tá agus beidh taithí ag na mílte tuismitheoir ar an gcás céanna le do chás féin.
Tá na riachtanais chéanna ar leanaí faoi mhíchumas agus atá ar leanbh ar bith eile – a bheith ag foghlaim, a bheith ag súgradh, a bheith san áireamh, cairde a dhéanamh agus grá a dtuismitheoirí a fháil. Cibé míchumas atá ar do leanbh, ar cheann de na rudaí is tábhachtaí ar féidir leat cuimhneamh air tá, ar an gcéad dul síos, breathnú ar do leanbh mar leanbh agus, ina dhiaidh sin, breathnú ar an míchumas atá orthu mar ghné amháin de do leanbh. Macasamhail linbh ar bith eile, tá tionchar ag an bhfís atá agat dó nó di agus ag do thiomantas do bhaint amach na físe seo ar a thodhchaí do linbh.
Freagairtí
Bíonn cuid mhór freagairtí éagsúla measctha ag tuismitheoirí nuair a fhaigheann siad amach go bhfuil a mac nó a n-iníon faoi mhíchumas. Féadfaidh tionchar a bheith ag an dóigh a gcuirtear in iúl duit faoi mhíchumas do linbh ar do fhreagairt mhothúchánach. B’fhéidir go mbeidh an t-ádh ort foghlaim faoi mhíchumas do linbh ó dhuine éigin atá eolasach ar chúrsaí míchumais agus ag a bhfuil dearcadh dearfach i dtaobh daoine faoi mhíchumas. Ar an drochuair, ní hamhlaidh an cás seo i gcónaí. Murar cuireadh na tairbhí dearfacha a ghabhann le leanbh faoi mhíchumas in iúl duit, is cosúil nár nochtadh an scéal iomlán duit. Is fiú é seo a mheabhrú agus tú ag tabhairt aghaidh ar dhomhan a shíleann tú nach bhfuiltear ar an eolas faoi. Ní bheidh na mothúcháin chéanna ar gach tuismitheoir, ach is gnách go deimhin go mbeidh na mothúcháin a leanas, nó cuid acu, ort i dtús báire:
- Díchreideamh agus séanadh – caithfidh sé gur botún é seo; Ní fhéadfadh sé seo a bheith ag tarlú;
- Mearbhall nó suaitheadh – conas a tharla sé seo? Cad ba cheart dom a dhéanamh?;
- Imní – cad eile a tharlóidh? Conas a dhéileálfaidh mé leis? Conas a mhíneoidh mé é seo don chuid eile de mo theaghlach, do mo chairde agus do mo chomhghleacaithe?;
- Éiginnteacht – cad í an tslí is fearr chun cúnamh a thabhairt do mo leanbh? Cad atá i ndán dúinn amach anseo?;
- Fearg – cén fáth nach féidir le duine ar bith ar tharla do mo leanbh a dheisiú? Cén fáth a bhfuil sé seo ag tarlú do mo theaghlach?
- Éadóchas – conas sa diabhal is féidir liom déileáil leis seo? Ní hí seo an fhís a bhí agam do mo leanbh ná do mo theaghlach.
- Diongbháilteacht – déanfaidh mé cinnte go mbeidh gach deis ag an leanbh seo fás aníos agus foghlaim. Gheobhaidh mé gach rud atá uaim amach.
- Faoiseamh – ar a laghad, tá tuiscint níos fearr agam ar a bhfuil ag tarlú do mo leanbh.
- Tiomantas – tabharfaidh mé grá agus cúram don leanbh seo. Beidh mo chroí istigh sa leanbh seo.
Níl sé neamhchoitianta easaontacht freagairtí mar seo a bheith agat toisc an iomad nithe neamhaitheanta agus éiginnte dá bhfuil ann. Is dual do dhuine machnamh a dhéanamh ar an todhchaí. Teastaíonn ó thuismitheoirí go mbeidh a leanaí sláintiúil, sábháilte agus slán. Is éard atá agat anois, áfach, na milliúin ceist, roinnt oícheanta gan chodladh b’fhéidir agus traidhfil freagraí. Tá seans ann go gceapann tú nach bhfuil sé de chumas agat rudaí a athrú agus go bhfuil tú in amhras faoi d’ábaltacht féin a bheith i do thuismitheoir maith. Ní bheidh na mothúcháin seo uile ar gach duine agus tugann gach tuismitheoir aghaidh orthu ar a bhealach féin ina am féin.
Féadfaidh caidreamh le tuismitheoirí eile a bhfuil níos mó taithí acu maidir le tuistiú linbh faoi mhíchumas, a bheith ina fhoinse iontach cinnteachta agus tuisceana duit. I gcás thromlach na dtuismitheoirí, ní fada go dtuigeann siad go bhfuil a leanbh faoi mhíchumas chomh hiontach céanna le leanbh ar bith eile. Le himeacht aimsire, is gnách go dtagann tuismitheoirí ar neart nach raibh a fhios acu a bhí iontu chun cúram a thabhairt do leanbh faoi mhíchumas agus chun é/í a thógáil. De réir a chéile, tiontaítear an fuinneamh a chaitear ar imní agus ar éiginnteacht ag an tús ina fhuinneamh a ligeann do thuismitheoirí a bheith ina dtacadóirí feasacha éifeachtacha dá leanbh.
Smaointe arbh fhiú cuimhneamh orthu
B’fhéidir gur fiú na smaointe a leanas a mheabhrú nuair a fhaigheann tú amach go bhfuil do leanbh faoi mhíchumas:
Déan Caidreamh le Tuismitheoirí eile
Bíonn braistintí scoiteachta an-choitianta i measc tuismitheoirí nuair a fháthmheastar a leanbh de chéaduair. I gcás mhóramh na dtuismitheoirí, ceapann siad go bhfuil sé an-fhóinteach caidreamh a dhéanamh le tuismitheoirí eile atá ag tógáil linbh faoi mhíchumas.
Oibrigh le Chéile mar Theaghlach
Bí ag caint leis na daoine sin a bhfuil tú an-mhór leo – páirtí, do leanaí eile, do mhórtheaghlach agus do chairde. Inis do bhuarthaí agus do dhóchas do dhaoine eile a bhfuil dearcadh dearfach acu i dtaobh leanaí faoi mhíchumas. B’fhéidir nach mbeidh lúcháir ar dhaoine áirithe a bhfuil tú mór leo faoin leanbh, sa bhealach céanna agus atá lúcháir ortsa, toisc go bhfuil sé nó sí faoi mhíchumas. D’fhéadfadh a dtuairim athrú le himeacht ama. Is cúnamh é a chuimhneamh go mb’fhéidir nach raibh barúil dhearfach agatsa i dtosach báire ach oiread. Athraíonn leanbh faoi mhíchumas a bheith againn sinn ar bhealaí áirithe – b’fhéidir nach dtuigfeadh daoine eile nach bhfuil cur amach acu ina leith, na hathruithe seo.
Bí Dearfach i gCónaí
Ná déan dearmad go mbíonn tacaíocht agus treoir a dtuismitheoirí de dhíth ar gach leanbh chun cuidiú leo a lánchumas a bhaint amach. Féadfaidh dearcadh dearfach cabhrú leat bacainní a bhféadfá teacht chucu a shárú.
Déan Beart
Is tusa an tacadóir is fearr atá ag do leanbh. Labhair le tuismitheoirí eile agus glac páirt i ngrúpaí tuismitheoirí chun faisnéis a fháil faoi mhíchumas do linbh agus faoi na tairbhí a bhaineann leis an gcuimsitheacht.
| Foinse |
Scríobh tuismitheoirí an fhaisnéis ar an leathanach seo le haghaidh tuismitheoirí, agus cuireadh in oiriúint í le caoinchead an Alberta Association for Community Living (AACL) i gCeanada. Is féidir leat an téacs iomlán ón treoir seo a fháil ach cliceáil ar an nasc seo, nó tig leat amharc ar shuíomh gréasáin AACL i gcomhair tuilleadh faisnéise.
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Having a child changes your life forever. Children are a source of great joy and provide parents with unexpected opportunities to learn more about themselves and what is really important in life. Being a parent opens us to a deeper love and capacity to care about someone else in a way many of us never previously imagined. Children bring us many gifts. This is part of the joy and wonder of parenting. Every child is unique – each with his or her own personality, qualities, abilities, characteristics and challenges. If you are reading this information guide, you have probably recently learned that your child has a disability. While you may feel you are facing many unknown challenges, you may find some comfort in knowing you are not alone. Many hundreds of thousands of parents have come before you, many are walking with you and many more will come after.
Children with disabilities have the same needs as every other child – to learn, play, be included, have friends and be loved by their parents. Whatever your child’s disability, one of the most important things you can remember is to see your child as a child first and their disability as only a part of whom your child is. As with any child, his or her future is influenced by the vision you hold for him or her and your commitment to realising these dreams.
Reactions
Parents have many different and mixed reactions when they learn their son or daughter has a disability. How you learn about your child’s disability can have an impact on your emotional reaction. You may be fortunate enough to learn about your child’s disability from someone who is knowledgeable about disability and has a positive view of people with disabilities. Unfortunately, this is not always the case. If you are not told about the positive benefits of having a child with a disability, then you have not been told the full story. It can be helpful to keep this in mind as you enter what feels like an unknown world. Not every parent will experience the same feelings, but it is perfectly normal to initially experience some or all of the emotions listed below:
- Disbelief and denial – this must be a mistake. This can’t be happening;
- Confusion or shock – how did this happen? What should I do?;
- Anxiety – what else will happen? How will I cope? How will I explain this to the rest of my family, friends and colleagues?;
- Uncertainty – how can I best help my child? What does the future hold for us?;
- Anger – why can’t someone fix what has happened to my child? Why is this happening to my family?;
- Despair – how can I possibly deal with this? This is not the dream I had for my child and family.
- Determination – I will ensure this child has every opportunity to grow and learn. I will find out everything I need to know.
- Relief – at least I understand a little better what is happening to my child.
- Commitment – I will love and care for this child. I will be devoted to this child.
It is not unusual to have conflicting reactions given there are so many unknowns and uncertainties. Wondering about the future is only natural. Parents want their children to be healthy, safe and secure. Now you have a million questions, perhaps some sleepless nights and few answers. You may feel powerless to change things and doubt your own ability to be a good parent. Not everyone will experience all of these emotions and each parent works through them in their own way and time.
Connecting to other parents who are further along in their journey of parenting a child with a disability can be an immense source of reassurance and understanding. Most parents soon come to understand that their child with a disability is as precious a gift as any other child. Over time, parents typically find strengths they did not realise they had to care for and raise a child with a disability. The energy that initially is consumed by anxiety and uncertainty is gradually transformed into energy that enables parents to be informed and effective advocates for their child.
Ideas to keep in mind
Upon learning your child has a disability you might keep the following ideas in mind:
Connect With Other Parents
Feelings of isolation are very common for parents when their child receives a diagnosis. Most parents find it very helpful to connect with other parents who are raising a child with disabilities.
Work Together As A Family
Talk with those you are closest to – a partner, your other children, your extended family and friends. Share your worries and hopes with others who have a positive belief in children with disabilities. Some people who are close to you may not share in your joy of your child, because she or he has a disability. Their view may change over time. It helps to remember you may not have had a positive view at first either. Having a child with a disability changes us in ways other people who have not had a similar experience may not understand.
Maintain A Positive Outlook
Remember that all children require the support and guidance of their parents to help them realise their full potential. A positive outlook can help you overcome barriers you may encounter.
Take Action
You are your child’s best advocate. Talk to other parents and participate in parent groups to learn about your child’s disability and the benefits of inclusion.
| Source |
The information on this page was written by parents for parents, and was adapted with kind permissionfrom the Alberta Association for Community Living (AACL) in Canada. You can find the full text from this guide by clicking on this link, or you can visit the website of AACL for more information.
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